Last Night On Earth
by WriterLeigh
Summary: When life as they've come to know it is suddenly changed forever, Kate feels like a fool for ever believing they could make it. Had Castle known back then the repercussions his actions would have, he wonders if he'd have thought twice about it. Entry for the Hiatus Ficathon 2014. Completely AU from 47 Seconds. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

_My entry for the Castle Hiatus Ficathon 2014. The idea for this was born out of a premise which I've always wanted to explore, so what better time to do so? __Rating may change._

_It is an AU fic, although the beginning portion of this story will correspond to events which happened from between Cops and Robbers and 47 Seconds. This is mainly because the development of the Castle/Beckett relationship is important to events which transpire later on. The title comes from the Delta Goodrem song of the same name, if anyone is interested._

_Big thanks to Ally and Sara for being my sounding boards on this one!_

* * *

_**Disclaimer: **_

_I obviously don't own anything which you recognize. Any dialogue taken from the episodes is written in italics. I'm just a girl with a laptop, playing with the toys in Andrew Marlowe's playground._

* * *

**Last ****Night ****On ****Earth**

**Chapter ****One**

The sound of glass shattering breaks through the tense silence and she feels the ground shake violently beneath her feet as the van is rocked by the explosion outside. She's dimly aware that the boys are still on the other end of the line, but the phone goes ignored. What feels like an eternity passes, although in reality its a matter of minutes as the SWAT team coordinate a plan to breach the ruined bank. They've labelled it a rescue mission, but Beckett knows how this works. It's more of a formality at this stage; she can see the identical expressions of resignation on their faces, because they know how this ends. They've seen this scenario play out countless times before.

She steps blindly out of the van, fear with a vice-like grip on her heart as she contemplates the unthinkable. For a second she's rooted to the spot taking in the devastation, before drawing her weapon and flashlight and following the SWAT team into the building. "Ca-" She can't quite get his name out the first time, brick dust infiltrating her words, clogging in her throat and causing her eyes to water. _"Castle!"_ Her face contorts, mouth twisting into a grim line and she sweeps her flashlight over the room, the light doing little to penetrate the gloom. _"Castle!"_ She calls determinedly, only to be met by another wall of silence . Her heart is in her mouth. She's having to force herself to breathe evenly. And when she calls out a third time, she doesn't care that everyone can hear the way her voice cracks, the way his name is laced with desperation and everything else she has never had the courage to put a label on.

The dust is beginning to settle and the alarm which was set off by the bomb has been silenced, leaving her ears ringing and slightly deaf to the commotion around her. And then she hears it. _"Beckett!" _Her heart leaps, and her legs are moving of their own accord towards the source of the sound. Her flashlight illuminates his face, and when Castle waves sheepishly at her through the bars of the safety deposit box room, she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"_They're here!"_ She draws attention to the hostages, holstering her gun, the knot in her chest loosening as she sees that he's physically unhurt. Relief and adrenaline course through her veins in equal measure, and she even manages that laugh when she hears Castle speak, _"I told you, eh?"_

It's on trembling legs that Kate kneels down in front of him, oblivious to anyone else's presence. He chuckles again and she swears it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard. It's getting increasingly easier to breathe and her face splits into a brilliant smile._ Thank God he's okay._ She glances away only momentarily, just long enough to locate a knife in order to free him from his bindings. _"Here we go. Ready? Okay.."_ She slices through the ties and he flexes his wrists to ease some of the discomfort.

Kate releases a shallow breath she didn't realize that she was holding, still unable to tear her gaze from him. _"How are you?" _Her voice is low and concerned, and she lets her fingers ghost across his suit collar, under the guise of brushing dust from it. In reality she just needs to touch him, to reassure herself that he's still alive and breathing. Castle radiates warmth, she can feel the slightly elevated rise and fall of his chest and abandons all pretense when her touch lingers a fraction too long to be considered strictly platonic.

The corners of his eyes crinkle up when he smiles and still they don't break eye contact. Relief floods him and he's pretty sure his expression is identical to hers. Kate is finding it difficult to control her racing heart again, but for very different reasons now. They're so close that she can almost taste his scent and it is making her dangerously close to throwing caution to the winds. Her eyes search his, and it's probably the worst thing she could have done because she can't bring herself to let him go.

Its safe to say her self-restraint has been compromised for a long time now when it comes to Castle, and months – years – spent denying it have all culminated in this moment. So for the first time in a long time Kate Beckett stops thinking. And then she kisses him, betraying the hunger that has been burning steadily within her for so long now, that she can't remember what life used to be like before he came.

A soft cough causes them to break apart and when they do, her cheeks are flushed and she's breathing so hard she could have just ran a marathon. _"He's not the only one here you know?" _Martha's voice breaks her out of her daze and Kate feels mildly embarrassed when she holds up her still bound wrists.

"_I'm so -"_ She chances one more sidelong glance at Castle – who is now slumped against the wall, looking more than a little disappointed – before turning her attention back to Castle's mother. _"I'm so sorry Martha,"_ she slices through the zip ties cleanly. _"How you doing?"_

The fatigue is evident on the older woman's face but she smiles, accepting the hands of her son when he moves to pull her up off the dusty floor, "I'm okay," Martha answers, "We both are..." She lets the end of her sentence linger and there's something all too knowing in the way she looks at Kate, that leaves the detective unable to meet her eyes.

Now that the adrenaline is wearing off, Kate can't believe she was that bold and another blush creeps up across her cheeks. "Excuse me a minute," She starts, spotting Captain Peterson out of the corner of her eye and taking the necessary out he's providing. When she walks away though, it's with a lightness in her step that hasn't been there all day, and a smile that as hard as she tries, she's unable to wipe from her face.

* * *

She's forced to try though, when briefing Ryan and Esposito on what they know so far, and when Castle rejoins them after reassuring his daughter that he is indeed fine, it's all she can do not to look at him the way she did inside. Apparently kissing him has done nothing to lessen the tension between them, and if anything it has made their situation that little bit more unbearable. On the one occasion she does dare to look at him, he's watching her too, a hint of that shit-eating smirk threatening to bloom across his face. Kate's eyebrows knit together and she gives him the look she reserves especially for moments just like this, but the normalcy of it all makes her want to laugh out loud.

Until the moment when they're all brought back to earth with a sobering reason which makes the case start to make sense. There's nothing they can do at the scene; the clear up operation is well underway and all of the hostages have been accounted for and sent home, so she and Castle head for her cruiser in silence, both with their own thoughts for company. He falls into step beside her, bumping her gently with his shoulder as they walk and they exchange a smile, "Hell of a day huh?"

The frown lines are back, "It's not over yet, Castle." His name escapes on a sigh – because she definitely won't be forgetting today in a hurry – and a tendril of hair escapes from the confines of her bun, falling across her face.

They come to a standstill and Castle reaches out automatically, tucking the curl behind her ear, "I know," He answers simply, "But you'll get him." He's looking at her with a combination of pride and admiration, which she doesn't feel is justified and after today, it's just too overwhelming.

"Staring is still creepy, Castle," She teases, in an attempt at regaining some levity. He just gives her a winning smirk and she's unable to prevent another roll of her eyes. Just like that things are okay again. "C'mon John McClane, let's go put this thing to bed and if you play your cards right I may even buy you a drink later."

Castle's jaw drops slightly at the movie reference and he has to scramble to catch up with her. She's waiting for him in the car, a grin playing at the corners of her lips, which widens when he next speaks. "Well I certainly never had you pegged for a Die Hard fan, Detective."

The delight in his voice makes her blush.

* * *

Once they are back at the precinct, the missing pieces from their investigation slot into place fairly easily and then there's an anxious twenty minute period where Beckett is kept on the line. The bullpen is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. They wear matching looks of relief when she hangs up the phone, and despite their tiredness there's a moment where they celebrate this small victory. Ryan and Esposito leave to pick up the mother and son, and Castle watches them banter back and forth on their way to the elevator, before turning his attention back to Beckett. She's sat cross-legged in her chair and her eyes flicker briefly shut, in an attempt to centre herself, as the full weight of the day comes crashing down.

"_Even as a hostage, I help you solve murders. Beckett I think – I think you have the perfect partner."_

She chuckles at this, gratitude shining in her eyes and offers a silent prayer of thanks that he's still here to joke about this. _"Yeah, except he doesn't like doing paperwork." _She's aiming for flippant, but is unable to keep the smile from invading her words. She angles her head towards him.

"_Touche."_

He's looking back at her now; all the unsaid things between them are more noticeable than ever, just lingering in the air and making her feel hopelessly exposed. _"So, Old Haunt?"_ She asks, filling a silence which becomes more unbearable the longer it stretches on. _"I'll buy you that drink."_

Castle doesn't reply straight away, fiddling with his phone and firing off a text, _"No, but I'll do you one better."_

* * *

Any reservations that Kate has about dinner at the loft melt away as soon as she walks through the door and is swept up into Martha's rib-crushing embrace. Dinner itself is a light-hearted affair and she finds that they have to do very little in the way of prompting her to join in with the conversation. Topics range from recounting the day's events to the latest instalment of Nikki and Rook's adventures, all with Castle's creative spin on them of course and Kate can't remember the last time she laughed so hard. The glass of wine which Martha passed her before dinner had gone down a treat, as did the two after that and she's left feeling pleasantly buzzed, warmth radiating throughout her entire body. Castle's mother seemed to have taken celebrating life a little too much to heart and had polished off almost an entire bottle of wine by herself, before heading off to bed shortly after dessert and leaving Kate, happy to watch Castle's interactions with his daughter.

Alexis has been stifling yawns now for the better part of the last hour, and its only when she gets up to clear the table that Castle intervenes. He gently removes the pile of plates from her grasp, setting them down on the island in the kitchen. "We'll do that, you go on up to bed Pumpkin."

Alexis looks set to protest, but she yawns again and tears fill her eyes, the only giveaway that she's not quite as okay as she's been making out all evening. Castle holds out his arms and Kate – who is watching their exchange from the table – looks away. And for the second time in as many hours, she finds herself silently thanking whatever higher power allowed Castle to come home to his daughter. It hits her again, just how close he came to never having this moment, how close Alexis had come to being dealt the loss of a parent.

A tiny smile graces her lips as she watches Castle pull away from his daughter and drop a kiss on the crown of her head. He holds out his hands and pulls her along the laminate flooring. "Goodnight Kate," She's brought out of her musings by Alexis. "Thank you."

Kate feels the weight of the girl's words, a thank you and an apology all rolled into one, and it only serves to make her feel more guilty. "Night Alexis," She murmurs, nodding her head in acknowledgement when Castle indicates that he'll be back in a few minutes. Being left to her own thoughts isn't something that Kate feels at ease with after the day they've had, her mind reeling with how close a call it was. She feels an overwhelming sense of responsibility, and plagued by the w_hat if _of the situation, reaches for her wine, eager to regain some of the happy feelings. When she lifts it from the table, its with hands which have adopted a slight tremor and though she takes a long fortifying sip, it does nothing to ease the discomfort. So she gets up from the table and begins to clear away the dishes.

This is how Castle finds her, elbow-deep in a bowl of soapy water because she wouldn't have a clue how to work his dishwasher, and this way she's able to keep her hands and mind distracted for at least a few minutes. She knows he's there, even before he opens his mouth because she can feel his eyes on her again. "First watching me do paperwork, now staring at me doing the dishes-"

"You don't have to do that," Castle interrupts, moving properly into the room. "You're a guest-"

"I want to help," Kate cuts him off, a little abruptly and for a moment silence falls between them. She's glad her back is towards him as she tries to prevent a panic attack from taking hold completely. Her breathing is slightly shallow, and she absolutely cannot let him see her like this. Not when she's spent months going to great lengths to hide it from him. It's bad enough that she can see the guilt in his eyes every time he looks at her, despite her repeated attempts to absolve him of it, without forcing him to live with the knowledge of what she's still dealing with. "How's Alexis doing?"

There's a note of apology in her tone, and the mild irritation that Castle felt when she snapped ebbs away, at her obvious concern for his daughter. He sighs, leaning heavily against the island in the middle of the room, "I don't know," He answers eventually. "The past few months have been tough on her, what with the sh- summer..." He stumbles over the word and Kate is convinced that's not what he was going to say, but eager not to bring everything back to her shooting lets it slide.

"...And then being rejected from Stanford. She just seemed to be getting back to her old self again and now this -" Castle pauses again and she can tell by his nervous fidgeting that there's more he wants to say. So she waits patiently for him to continue, and when he does it's not what she's expecting to hear at all. "I don't know whether to suggest speaking to someone."

Kate's hands still in the water at his words, "Like a therapist?" She checks, trying to keep her tone controlled, even though it feels like all the breath has left her body.

She hears his murmured assent as he moves next to her and grabs a towel, "Well she barely talks to me these days and I don't want her to feel like she has no one to talk to." Castle shrugs.

"You could always suggest it to her," She starts, because Castle is looking at her expectantly, like she knows what to say. _She does. _But this is closer to home than she's comfortable acknowledging. _But this isn't about you._ The voice in her head is screaming. "Ultimately though, it has to be her decision Castle, because therapy only helps if you're committed to putting in the time. If you're willing to be honest with yourself."

Castle's brow shoots up in surprise and though he tries to school his expression, she doesn't miss the little looks he keeps giving her when he thinks she doesn't notice. For a few minutes neither of them speak, washing and drying dishes, putting them away and weaving around each other in a way which – to anyone who doesn't know better – would look like something they've gotten down to a well practised art. "How long?" Castle asks eventually, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Castle I – " She starts to change the subject, but something about the way he is looking at her – coupled with the voice in the back of her mind reminding her how close she came to never being able to tell him this at all – stops her. "Since September," She answers instead, "I had to pass my psych-eval before they'd let me back on active duty and then after that first case back I made a second appointment. I've been seeing a guy regularly ever since."

"Is it helping?" Castle remembers the first case back well, because he was constantly worried that she was overdoing it, that the smallest things would cause her to go off the deep end.

There's a long pause before Kate replies and she throws him a measured glance, "I'm getting there," She admits, in the hope he'll read as much into what she can't say, as the things she is saying. "I will get there." _So please don't give up on me. _The unspoken plea is there in her voice, and when he holds her gaze, she knows he's reading her correctly.

They go back to clearing up in silence, until something that has been on Castle's mind causes him to stop in his tracks, "Hey, I didn't know you were trained in hostage negotiations!" She finds she's grateful for the distraction.

"That's because I'm not," Kate gives him a look, as if to say _you've known me how long. _"I didn't have a clue what I was doing, but you were in there and I -" She hesitates, testing the waters slightly. "I couldn't lose you, Rick."

The way his Christian name trips off her tongue feels slightly foreign to her, but it doesn't scare her as much as it should. An unreadable expression crosses his face when she leans past him to put a plate away, putting their bodies in even closer proximity.

"Thank you for saving my life," Castle's voice directly next to her ear makes her glad that she doesn't have anything in her hands, because a delicious shiver runs down her spine and she's pretty certain she'd have embarrassed herself by now.

She turns to speak to him, but he's that little bit closer than she realized. Her back is pressed against the counter, his body is crowding her own. "I'm glad you're okay." She breathes, wondering if he can hear how loudly her heart is beating right now. "Castle I-" She stops.

"You?" He prompts her gently, reaching out and letting his fingers trail down her arm. When she doesn't threaten him with physical violence he takes a chance, interlocking his fingers with hers. He looks up, surprised to see the beginnings of a smile playing around the corners of her lips.

She seems to choose her words carefully before speaking, "I'm really glad you're okay. We've been doing this, whatever we are, for four years now and you know I don't find this easy but today I thought – I thought I was never going to see you again and-" She hesitates again, hearing the frustration leaking into her words and feeling a blush creep up across her neck. They've spent so long on the brink of being something more, and now she can't even get her words out.

"It's okay Kate, you don't have to–" Castle starts to interject and she knows that he's trying to give her an out, _that wonderful sweet man. _But this time she doesn't want it, and so she silences him with a disapproving glare, letting go of his hands.

"Would you just let me finish?" She tries to ignore the twinkle that has appeared in his eye; she may not have his way with words but does he have to look like he's bloody enjoying this so much? She revises her previous description of him, mentally adding insufferable to the list of adjectives running through her head.

Without giving herself a chance to second – or third – guess herself, she grabs his shirt collar in the same way she did earlier, and for the second time that day Kate Beckett kisses Richard Castle. This time though he's kissing her back and the little hum of satisfaction she makes vibrates against his mouth. Her lips part slightly, and after about a minute of exploration, she lightly touches one hand to his jaw. Castle pulls back, staring at her with an intensity in his expression that she's only seen there once before.

"It's hard for me, okay? Admitting that I need people. It scares me more than facing any suspect," She takes a deep breath and forces herself not to look away, to give him this moment. "But I do, Castle. I need you." They're not the words she wants to say, because she's not there yet. But they're something...

_'Tell me you need me.'_

...And they're enough for him for now.

* * *

**_I hope you enjoyed the opening installment. I'm really excited about where this is headed so I hope you're all hooked enough to come along for the ride ;)_**

**_Constructive criticism is always welcomed so feel free to tell me what you liked/ didn't like or whatever._**


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you all for the wonderful response to this story so far guys! And thanks to Ally for being my beta. _

_This next chapter has been split into two parts because I want to try and keep them all about the same length. Chapter three should be up sometime over the course of the next few days. _

_As stated previously, I don't own anything you recognize and anything written in italics is dialogue taken from the show. In this case, it comes from 'Heartbreak Hotel.' _

_For the guest that left a review referring to my incomplete stories, this one is obviously my priority right now, but I do intend to pick the others up again over the summer. So if you have a preference for which you'd like me to tackle first, drop me a line either here or on twitter at 'justleanneee'._

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Castle is not a morning person, it has to be said; which is why it surprises him when he wakes up before the alarm. What is even more surprising is that Beckett is still sleeping. Nestled in his finest thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets, with her hair fanning out across the pillows, he allows himself the rare luxury of watching her uninterrupted. She's beautiful when she sleeps. Not that he hasn't thought she's anything less than beautiful since she walked away from him at the end of their very first case. But it's a different kind of beauty. Here he is being afforded a rare insight into the girl she must have been before she became jaded by the cards her life has dealt her. Gone are the ever present frown lines of someone who carries the entire weight of the world on her shoulders. Detective Beckett doesn't exist inside the four walls of his bedroom. She's just Kate. And she's content. She's happy.

It has been almost three weeks since the bank robbery, three weeks since she woke up in his bed for the first time; wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt that was several sizes too big, a pair of leggings and a sleep-infused smile. Since then they've been taking baby steps towards becoming something more; movie nights have culminated in them sharing a bed, after the one occasion which saw them falling asleep on his sofa and regretting the aches and pains they awoke with the following morning. Despite his assurances that they're going to take things slowly, it hasn't deterred her from spending the night several times, and it goes without saying that kissing Kate Beckett has become one of his new favourite pastimes as they explore this new territory together. It's a testament to how serious she is about this new development in their relationship, because he's even managed to persuade her to let him take her out on a date tonight.

He manages to carefully extract his arm from where its pinned beneath the weight of her body, and it is a measure of how much this last case has taken it out of her, because she doesn't even stir. Twice so far, he's found the space beside him empty after Kate stayed the night, awaking to find a note on the pillow, informing him she was going for a run. Once the feeling has come back into his arm, Castle reaches blindly behind him, sliding his hand along the nightstand until his fingers close around his phone. He checks the time and it confirms his previous thought, that it is still relatively early. They have about an hour before the alarm is due to go off.

In the extremely rare event he does wake up early, he'll spend a couple of hours reluctantly writing before joining her at the precinct, but on days like today that holds less appeal than before. So he lets the phone drop back down beside him and settles back down beside her. His movements cause her to stir, and he stills instantly waiting for any signs that she's awake. When her breathing remains consistent with being in a deep sleep, he rolls towards her and slings an arm across her midsection in a movement which already feels like second nature to him. Kate unconsciously adapts to this new position, back arching slightly and leaving their bodies flush in a way that leaves him biting back a groan.

He knows when she has awoken though, even though she gives him no indication. Her entire body suddenly tenses and then relaxes almost as quickly, and the more precise rotation of her backside against his groin does nothing to reduce the slightly elevated pounding of his heart. Needless to say, it also only adds fuel to the fire that is the racy thoughts his writer's imagination is producing right now.

A smile tugs at the corners of his lips and he buries his face in the curve between her neck and her shoulder. When she still doesn't betray any sign that she's awake, Castle's smirk widens and he allows his lips to traverse the soft skin where the t-shirt has slipped down off one shoulder. _Challenge accepted. _His actions change from the barely-there brush of lips to open-mouthed kisses and the bristle of stubble where he hasn't shaved in two days. She'll never admit as much to him, but he knows that she likes it and a look of triumph spreads across his face when the hitch in her breathing betrays her. He hears it again when he seeks out the sensitive spot along her neck, telling him he's found his mark.

Castle sucks at the pulse point, gently at first but then varying the pressure and feeling a smug sense of satisfaction when she finally gives in. "What have I told you about leaving hickeys?" She tries to sound stern but she'd be a lot more convincing if he couldn't hear the smile which accompanies her words. She rolls 180 degrees and lifts her body just enough off the bed to be able to angle herself down towards him.

He ignores her, reaching up and running his fingers through her hair, using the grip he has on her to pull her mouth down to his. "Good morning," He murmurs, about an inch from her lips.

His mouth has opened a little in anticipation, and she ducks her head to meet his, lazily engaging him in their first morning kiss. Her teeth graze his lower lip and her hands slip beneath the gray t-shirt he wore to bed. "A very good morning," She agrees, when they break for air after about a minute, expression reminiscent of the proverbial cat that got the cream. Her lips skim his jaw and he lets out a contented hum, "What time is it?"

"About half six," He keeps his voice low, unwilling to disturb the comfortable atmosphere that lingers between them. "We've got plenty of –"

His words are cut off by the incessant ringing of her cell phone and they let out a collective sigh as she wordlessly extracts herself from him to retrieve it from the nightstand, "Beckett."

He immediately misses the contact between them and moves into the space behind her, despite the glare she shoots him when he prompts her to shift forward. It doesn't stop her relaxing back against the broad expanse of his chest, and reveling slightly in the sensation created by his fingers tracing patterns against her stomach. "Mhmm, where?" She wedges the phone between her ear and her shoulder, accepting the pad of paper and pen which Castle seems to have produced out of nowhere and scribbling down the information being relayed to her, "Okay – I'll be there in twenty."

"We got a case?" He checks leaning over to decipher her handwriting, and dropping a kiss against her shoulder in the process.

"Mhmm," She murmurs unenthusiastically, "I need to head home and change." She really would have to start leaving a change of clothes at the loft, if the amount of times she'd accidentally ended up spending the night so far were anything to go by. She untangles herself from the embrace he's created but instead of leaving his bed, Kate swings herself around, rising up onto her knees and straddling his lap.

Her fists close around the material of his shirt and she pulls him into another kiss, "I'll see you at the scene."

"You still on for tonight?" Castle checks, hoping he doesn't look as nervous as he feels. He's waited a long time for this chance and toyed with the idea of asking her on an official date for a full twenty-four hours before he worked up the nerve to do it.

Kate's lips twitch with a hint of amusement, and if she hadn't just felt the first flutter of nerves herself, she'd probably toy with him a little more. As it is Castle is rewarded with an almost shy smile, "You'll pick me up from mine at six thirty right?" She leans in and kisses him again, not waiting for a response, "I'll be ready."

She feels his grin against her lips and they kiss once more before she pulls away and they rest with their foreheads touching and her fingers tracing the bone structure of his cheek. "I really need to go," She sighs regretfully, kissing the place where her hand was just moments before.

This time her weight leaves his bed and Castle watches as she moves about his room, gracefully gathering up her things and half dressing. Flashing him one last brilliant smile, she opens the door and leaves.

* * *

He arrives at the scene fifteen minutes after she does, handing her the cup of coffee in the same way he has done almost every day for the past three years. The only difference now is that she allows the brush of his fingers to linger – and more often than not – is the one to initiate the extended contact. She gives him a grateful smile and her eyes stay on his for longer than she'd normally let them.

By unspoken agreement they've managed to keep this change in their relationship out of the precinct, both fully aware what the regulations dictate with regard to inter-departmental relationships. Maybe the fact that Castle isn't technically a member of their team would have held some weight in Captain Montgomery's day, but with Gates at the helm this could be just the ammunition she needs to order him out of her precinct. It's still under wraps from their friends too, at least until they figure out where exactly their relationship is headed. They maintain a respectable distance at crime scenes and at work, standing further apart now than they did when things between them were still strictly platonic. There have been a number of occasions over the past few weeks where they've been in close proximity in the bullpen, and she's had to physically walk away from him.

If Beckett is honest, it is more for her benefit than his because she knows she can trust him not to behave inappropriately. The problem is that she's not sure she can say the same for herself anymore; he's spent four years testing her will power something chronic and she's resisted. When she stopped burying her feelings so deep down, they simmered beneath the surface until the night they shared that undercover kiss and its been like slow burn ever since. Something has to give and with the newly physical aspect of their relationship, it seems its going to happen sooner rather than later.

She realizes she's still staring at him, when he coughs softly to catch her attention and has to force herself to remember all the reasons why they've agreed to take this slowly. Her focus clears and she brings him up to speed with what little they know about the victim so far, the co-owner of The Sapphire casino and hotel in Atlantic City.

And then she allows Lanie to outline the cause of death, "_Guy cashed in his chips between nine and eleven, took a small caliber to the chest. Muzzle flash burned his shirt at the point of entry." _The M.E points with the tip of her biro.

Beckett's forehead creases as she slips fully into work mode, "_Shooter was standing close by," _She concludes.

"_Mm-hmm,"_ Lanie makes a noise of agreement, _"Close enough to give him a bloody lip before pulling the trigger." _

Castle leans in closer to them and it causes Beckett's heart to do a little flip in her chest, which she tries to ignore. _"So what's a guy like Siegel doing in an abandoned delivery dock in New York City at this time of night?" _

"_Must have been something important enough for him to drive down from Atlantic City,"_ She muses, tilting her head slightly in thought.

"_You know, the man owned a casino. A guy like that, you'd think he'd have a driver,"_ Castle points out.

"_Especially since he was expecting trouble. He came heavy. It's a .357 magnum with all six still asleep in the cylinder."_ It is almost as if they can all feel a sudden drop in temperature at the arrival of Esposito and Ryan, and nobody misses the way in which he and Lanie deliberately avoid making eye contact.

Ryan jumps in, in an attempt to diffuse the tension, _"He didn't even pull it out of the glove box" _He confirms. _"If he did, we'd be standing over the other guy."_

"_Well you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em," _Castle's quip earns him an eye roll from Beckett, but there's a look of amusement on her face and he gives her a winning grin in response.

"_Know when to walk away and know when to run," _adds Esposito, his eyes briefly flicking to Lanie so there's no way anyone can miss the implication of his words. There is an almost collective intake of breath and Castle lets out a low whistle, his eyes flickering between the two of them. If looks really could have killed, there's no doubt in Beckett's mind that those would be the last words Esposito ever spoke.

As it is, the M.E straightens up from where she was examining the body and glares directly at him, _"Detective Esposito, a little respect please? I mean there is a dead body here."_ The use of his professional title gives them all cause to wince and Castle nudges Beckett, exchanging a look which plainly says _uh-oh._

"_What did I do?" _Lanie suppresses a snort as Esposito pleads the fifth, not even dignifying him with a response as she resumes her examination of their victim.

"_You broke up with her," _Castle supplies helpfully, either completely oblivious or deliberately ignoring another look from Beckett, telling him not to get involved.

"_We broke up with each other," _Esposito counters._ "That's different."_

Castle shakes his head, _"Yeah, you'd think it'd be different, but no," _He explains and Beckett gets the feeling he's speaking from experience.

"_What did you tell him?"_ Esposito's next question is directed at her, and she shoots Castle a pointed glare. _He just can't keep his mouth shut. _

"_Nothing, I told you I'm staying out of this one." _She sighs, because this is exactly what happens when personal relationships compromise working ones. Suddenly she's faced with the stark reality of just how bad things can get and she has to force herself to breathe evenly. She can tell Castle has picked up on this because he keeps deliberately trying to catch her eye and she – equally deliberately – goes out of her way not to look at him as she gives the boys their instructions.

The beginnings of a headache are beginning to brew at her temples and she heads over to where Lanie is supervising the removal of the body into the coroner's van, "Hey, you okay?" Kate checks, giving her a quick once over.

Lanie straightens up from the body bag, "Why wouldn't I be?" She sidesteps the question breezily, the picture of professionalism. It isn't washing with Kate however; they've been friends for too long now and she knows all her little tells too well to believe she's completely fine.

"You and Espo –" Kate starts, and there's a flash of something in her friend's expression so she changes tack, "I thought you said things were amicable between you two."

Lanie mutters something incomprehensible under her breath before exhaling sharply, "Everything was amicable, until it wasn't anymore, I thought you said you weren't getting involved." She mimics the detective's tone.

"Yeah well, turnabout is fair play," Kate quips, trying to lighten the mood a little. "I've lost count of the times you've told me that and still chosen to impart your well-meaning advice." She teases, recalling one such time back when they'd only known each other a matter of weeks – as a result of Lanie discovering that there was more than met the eye to her partnership with Mike Royce.

"Well I always figure someone could benefit from it," Lanie replies, throwing a glare at Esposito's back and Kate knows she isn't imagining it when her friend raises her voice a little. "Hell honey, if I knew how to take my own advice I'd never have hooked up with someone I worked with."

There's a moment of silence and Kate is suddenly flooded with pure panic as all the doubts she's been fighting so hard to let go come rushing to the surface. She instinctively searches out Castle, but he's engaged in conversation with the boys and remains oblivious. Something must have registered on her face, because she's brought back to the conversation at hand by Lanie trying to get her attention. "Girl, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Kate answers, forcing a smile and falling back on her favourite lie, before deflecting the conversation from herself. "You know if there's anything you did want to talk about –"

"I don't, but I could use several Margaritas with my girlfriend," Lanie nudges her, "You up for a night on the town?"

"Tonight?" Kate checks, biting the inside of her cheek as her plans with Castle swim to the forefront of her mind, leaving her even more panicked. She instantly feels guilty because when Lanie nodded, there was a half-second where she contemplated accepting. "I'm gonna have to take a raincheck," She says apologetically, realizing the M.E is still waiting for a response. "I've actually got plans tonight."

"Like a date?" Lanie's eyes widen in surprise, and her brows shoot up into her hairline. "Have you been holding out on me Kate Beckett?"

"Not exactly a date," Kate hedges, not ready to give too much away, "Its still pretty new and I don't know what we are, so I'm gonna hold off on details for awhile."

Lanie stares at her for a long minute and Kate forces herself not to quail, because she knows that look. It's one that says, _you really are holding out on me. _"Fine," Lanie relents, "I'll take that for now, but don't think you're completely off the hook because enquiring minds need details."

Kate grins, "We'll go for drinks in a couple of weeks," She promises, "Meanwhile I've got a murder investigation to solve."

"I'll give you a bell once I've had the chance to take a closer look at the body," Lanie calls before climbing into the van. Beckett, after another quick sweep of the concrete where the body lay, heads back over to Castle and the boys, just in time to hear his last contribution to whatever conversation they've been having.

"_It's almost as though the thought of marriage fills him with an impending sense of doom," _Castle chuckles at his own words, _"Oh no, wait! That's me." _

Beckett tries to shake off the pained stab she felt when his words registered, and she quickly schools her features before addressing them. "Sorry to interrupt the little bromance you three have got going on," She starts, with an almost unnerving sharpness and no trace of her usual humour, "But in case you hadn't noticed, we do have a murder to solve."

* * *

They drive back to the 12th under the cover of an oppressive silence, and twice Beckett notices that Castle is on the verge of speaking, before apparently thinking better of it. She lets him get away with it, almost glad that he appears to have found his filter, because she's not convinced she can trust her temper not to flare up at him. In the silence, all the reasons why she kept her distance for so long filter through the chambers of her brain and she is terrified. _What if they can't do this? What if she's still too broken? What if she lets him down because she put her own selfish need to be more above the impact it could potentially have on their relationship? _

She's gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles are turning white and only relaxes when Castle makes a point of letting his palm slide along the length of her arm, his touch instantly calming her. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks eventually, when he's sure she isn't going to snap at him in the way she'd done at the crime scene.

"Talk about what?" She deflects his question with one of her own.

To his credit Castle doesn't express the frustration he feels whenever she exhibits signs of avoiding a topic, "Whatever it is that has got you so worked up that you can't even look at me," He answers calmly. She almost wants to glance up and prove that there's no truth to his words, but she can't, because she's a lot of things but a hypocrite isn't one of them. "Kate?" He presses her gently when she doesn't reply.

"Don't Castle –" She can only hope that her voice doesn't sound as shaky to his ears as it does to her own, and she finally looks up at him. "What are we doing?"

Castle doesn't speak for a minute, eyeing her intently and trying to gauge where she's at in her head. The intensity of it all unnerves her slightly, because its probably written all over her face, and even if it isn't, he knows her better than anyone. Hell sometimes she's even convinced he knows her better than she knows herself, and there's no doubt in her mind that this time is any exception. "We're taking this a day at a time," He starts slowly, taking advantage of the fact that they've just come to a stop at a red light and reaching for her hand. "We're chipping away at that wall of yours brick by brick."

Any other time Kate would have reverted back to the subtext because that's their common ground, but she knows that if they're to stand any chance of making this, the days where they danced around an issue are long gone. "And if it doesn't work out?" She's looking at him directly as she speaks, biting her lip so hard and instantly betraying the fact that she's afraid of his answer.

"Then at least we tried," Castle answers, squeezing her reassuringly, "It may not seem like it, but I have as much to fear from going into this as you do. With my track record I can't promise you that I'm not gonna screw this up any more than you can make me the same promise. But what I can promise is that I'll do everything in my power not to let this blow up in our faces. We're going to have fights; things are going to hit bumps and get a little messy sometimes, because life is messy. We don't control that Kate, and I know that you know that."

In spite of the seriousness of the conversation, Kate manages a smile, a small one albeit but it's there. "You make it all sound so easy," She comments.

"Its only as difficult as you make it out to be," Castle replies. "So Lanie and Esposito didn't make it –" He looks at her knowingly. "But at least they gave it a shot." They fall into silence as she contemplates the truth to his words and it is several minutes before he speaks again. "We don't have to do this, you know? You can give up now, you can walk away. I won't hold it against you, but I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if we could've worked. I know that I don't."

Castle's words seem to spark something in her and her lips quirk up into a proper smile, "Not trying isn't an option anymore. I – I don't think I could walk away from this if I tried." Her words come out quickly and she feels a rush of exhilaration because in this moment, it feels like the most important thing she's ever done. "But I just need you to be patient with me for a little while longer."

She lets go of his hand and returns it to the wheel as their lane of traffic begins to move again, so instead Castle's hand comes to rest comfortingly on her knee. "As long as it takes," He assures her, "Brick by brick, Kate. Brick by brick."

* * *

_Next time: Amidst fears that their new relationship status has come to light, Castle and Beckett take trip to Atlantic City. _


	3. Chapter 2, part II

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last part of the story. I'm glad you're liking it, because I'm really enjoying writing it. I had intended to post this at the end of last week, but have had a lack of wi-fi due to moving house. _

_This is the second part of the chapter which takes place during the events of 'Heartbreak Hotel' and as always any dialogue taken directly from the episode is written in italics. There are also a couple of quotes taken from 'Knockout', and everything is the product of Andrew Marlowe et al so please don't sue ;) _

_I hope you like :) Constructive criticism is always welcomed._

* * *

_**Previously: **_

_Castle's words seem to spark something in her and he lips quirk up into a proper smile, "Not trying isn't an option anymore. I – I don't think I could walk away from this if I tried." Her words come out quickly and she feels a rush of exhilaration because in this moment, it feels like the most important thing she's ever done. "But I just need you to be patient with me for a little while longer." _

_She lets go of his hand and returns it to the wheel as their lane of traffic begins to move again, so instead Castle's hand comes to rest comfortingly on her knee. "As long as it takes," He assures her, "Brick by brick, Kate. Brick by brick."_

* * *

**Chapter Two**

(Part Two)

It has been a hell of a day. Stressful days are part and parcel of the job when you're a homicide detective so Beckett certainly isn't a stranger to them. Had she known how today was going to pan out though, her reluctance to leave Castle's bed would have won out, at least for a few more minutes. After all, it wasn't as if their victim was going anywhere.

It is just after 7pm and with the exception of Captain Gates – who is still holed up in her office – the bullpen is pretty much deserted. The only noise comes from an old air conditioning unit, which has clearly seen better days, making whirring sounds above Beckett's desk. She's perched on the edge scrutinizing the murder board and mulling over all the questions they have yet to answer.

Her hand absent-mindedly strays to her chest, feeling a sudden sharp pull and she begins to rub the area where the physical reminder of her shooting remains. The physical therapy is helping; especially the rigorous training sessions she'd had to go to in order to re-qualify under the NYPD's strict medical regulations. It doesn't hurt to breathe anymore, but sometimes – usually when she's tired or stressed – it flares up and she's left with a dull ache which penetrates her to the bone.

Her gaze wanders away from the murder board, eventually settling on Castle's empty chair, as it has done far too many times throughout the day and the frown lines reappear on her forehead. She is half-convinced that Gates has picked up on the change in their relationship, she seemed all too happy when she'd ordered him to go with Ryan and Esposito to Atlantic City earlier that day.

Beckett shakes her head, feeling a mild stab of embarrassment as she recalls the way in which Gates had witnessed her laughing at a text he'd sent her. The look she'd given her had held more suggestion than any of her words could have, although she'd also spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking on them too. _'I think you can be better if you minimize the distractions.' _

She's always prided herself on being the consummate professional at work and anyone, if asked, would testify to the fact that she always goes the extra mile to bring justice to the victims and their families. For years she'd poured everything she had into becoming the best possible cop. She gets the closure for others which she's never been able to get for herself and she's managed to make some kind of peace with that in the process.

She'd probably still deny it if anyone else asked, but it's becoming easier to admit to herself that it is thanks in no small part to Castle. It's hardly a revelation to her that having him around makes her job that little bit easier, but what scares her the most is that she can't remember how she managed before he came into her life. The fact that it feels like Gates has almost called into question her professionalism today, makes the tiny niggling voice in the back of her mind wonder if that isn't without due cause.

Beckett is distracted from her musings by the repetitive buzz of her cell phone and a quick glance at the caller ID indicates that Ryan is on the line. "Please tell me you've found something concrete so that we can put this thing to bed." She listens for a moment, her eyes widening and then closing briefly in disbelief. _"What? How did you guys get kicked out?" _She hisses, mindful of their captain. _Just when she was reassuring herself that at least it wasn't possible for her day to get any worse. _She privately swears that if Castle has anything to do with this, she'll drive down to Atlantic City and shoot him herself.

Beckett listens to the boys putting together everything that they've learned so far, occasionally making a contribution to the case herself and together they come up with a new plan. _"Okay, see what he knows," _She rolls her eyes, unable to hide the trace of irritation in her voice when Esposito informs her that this won't be possible as their suspect is still inside the casino.

She casts another glance in the direction of Captain Gates' office half wondering whether to inform her of this latest development, but reflecting on just how bad that would make them all look – not to mention given the intensity of her dislike for Castle – she decides against it. _"Okay, just – sit tight. I'm on my way down." _She ends the call, ignoring the simultaneous protests that the three of them have started to make.

And just like that, the notion of opening the wine she'd left chilling in her fridge and relaxing in a bath of bubbles goes out of the window.

* * *

_'So much for decompressing'_ she thinks, rolling her cruiser forward several yards before coming to a standstill yet again. Traffic hasn't been on her side tonight and she's moved about ten kilometres in the past hour. A sigh escapes on an exhale and she's annoying herself by absent-mindedly tapping on the wheel. This certainly wasn't what she had in mind when she knew her evening out with Castle would have to be postponed. While she's been stuck in the middle of a line of traffic which goes back for as far as she can see, the sun has slowly descended behind the concrete jungle and the sky has darkened rapidly after that.

Beckett switches the radio station three times in quick succession and finds herself smirking as she acknowledges that this is behaviour which she'd ordinarily reprimand Castle for. She'll never admit as much to him, but she can't deny that he livens up a boring road trip.

And for too many times to count that day, she finds herself missing him. She doesn't know when it got to the point where his presence stopped becoming an irritation and looking back on it now it seems ridiculous that there was a time she couldn't stand him. But then he isn't the same person she met almost four years ago at the launch party for Storm Fall, and she knew even less about him the day she queued for hours outside a book store in the hope of meeting the man responsible for getting her through her mother's death. He's more responsible now for one thing and everything Kate always used to associate with Rick Castle the author, rarely crosses her mind anymore.

She continues to flick through the radio stations, occasionally crawling the vehicle forward. Her eyes close briefly and she leans back against the head rest, music reverberating throughout the cruiser and a tired smile plays on her lips when she switches it to the CD and discovers that Coltrane is in the disc drive. It hadn't been there the last time she'd used it and she made a mental note to thank Castle later._ That man. That adorable sweet man. _This is just one of the ways he's become attuned to her, because this isn't a conversation they've ever had although she can imagine he's taken great delight in perusing her music collection. From day one his observational skills have been impeccable and Castle quickly proved this didn't only extend to police work. Still though, he never ceases to surprise her.

Kate is broken out of her musings by the sound of a car horn blaring, and realizing that the lane of traffic has began moving along at a steady pace, she flashes her tail lights at the vehicle behind her in apology.

Night has well and truly fallen by the time she arrives in New Jersey and the closer she gets to Atlantic City, the busier the sidewalks become. Having slowed again to a crawl, Beckett impatiently abandons her cruiser at the kerb outside The Sapphire and clips her service piece into its holster before exiting the car.

She's about to call Castle and find out exactly where they've gotten to but is momentarily distracted by a pair of Elvis impersonators. Kate does a double take when she realizes that she's looking at Ryan and Esposito.

"_Oh-" _Esposito starts sheepishly, looking to his partner for help.

Ryan turns a light shade of pink, made obvious by the lighting outside the casino, _"Uh, funny story?"_ He offers.

"_No, I'm not even sure I want to know."_ There's a note of incredulity in her voice.

The boys exchange a glance and a silent conversation seems to take place between them, before they simultaneously speak, _"It was Castle's idea." _

Beckett's lip twitches and she's having a hard time hiding her amusement because despite the standstill that their case has come to, she's finding it pretty difficult to take Ryan and Esposito seriously dressed like that. This does have Castle written all over it though and when her annoyance at him has subsided, she thinks she might be slightly impressed at the way in which he got them to go along with his charade. Glancing away from them, she looks around for him.

"_And it worked! I know who killed Sam." _Castle appears from out of the casino, physically unharmed.

Ryan and Esposito exchange an exasperated look, Castle is crowing about his moment of genius and Beckett takes the opportunity to surreptitiously snap a quick photo of them because it really is a sight to behold. _Lanie will be so sorry she missed this, _Kate thinks, creating a new message and sending her friend the picture.

"Alright Elvis," She deliberately rakes her eyes over Castle's outfit, an amused smirk firmly in place, "Out with it."

* * *

They've managed to formulate a plan to catch their killer and after checking themselves into a local hotel for the night,wind up in a booth at a small smoky Irish bar. They knock back drinks for a couple of hours talking about everything and nothing; Ryan and Jenny's upcoming nuptials, Alexis' latest internship and they find themselves awkwardly avoiding mentioning Lanie after Esposito's little display that morning. Ryan drains the rest of his glass and slides it away from the edge of the table, a little after eleven. "I'm out guys," He says, standing up from his chair and grabbing his jacket, "Jen and I haven't spent a night apart since we got engaged and I want to call her before she goes to bed."

"Seriously bro?" Esposito looks visibly disgusted and Beckett can't help but to laugh at his look of distaste. "I need another drink."

He heads over to the bar as Ryan leaves and both Castle and Beckett are aware that this is the first time they've been alone together all day. "Hey you," He bumps against her gently, leaning in towards her

"Hey yourself," She allows the arm he wraps around her, feeling herself starting to relax for the first time that day, and seeing that Esposito is paying them next to no attention, ghosts her lips across his cheek, "Thanks for the CD," She says, almost shyly.

"You're welcome," He grins warmly, "I noticed your collection at the weekend and I saw you didn't have that one so-" He shrugs, "I'm sorry about tonight."

"Oh I don't know Castle," She grins, holding up her glass, "Today hasn't turned out the way we expected it to but it needn't be a complete write-off."

There's a moment where they sit in a companionable silence, which Castle eventually breaks, "So how much did you miss me really?" He teases.

Kate suppresses the eye roll which has become a natural response over the years and pretends to consider it for a minute, "Well I'd almost forgotten what it was like to make myself a cup of coffee," She jibes back gently, "So I guess I missed you a little."

"You're a cruel woman, Kate Beckett," Castle declares in mock-indignation, poking her playfully in the ribs.

"Yet you love me anyway," She counters, and they both freeze up at her words, neither knowing that they're both reliving the exact same set of memories. He thinks she has no idea. And she doesn't know how to tell him she remembers everything, from the ironically dazzling blue skies and brilliant sunlight beating down upon where she lay, to the desperate pleas falling like a litany from his lips. '_Stay with me, okay? Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate.' _

Her hand comes up to touch her scar, and when she realizes where they are and how much damage that gesture could do, she picks up her glass to distract herself - just hoping he can't see the slight tremor of her hand.

"I do," Castle answers without thinking, and they both sense the heaviness that settles on their conversation at his accidental admission. There's a brief moment where Kate just looks confused, and he can pinpoint the exact moment when his words hit her, paling visibly even within the shadows of the dimly lit bar.

He glances down at the remainder of his drink and downs it in one, the alcohol that night having made him decidedly bolder, "Love you, I mean," He continues, deciding that even if him saying it makes things awkward between them for a while, he can't bring himself to regret it. "You may not be ready to hear it and you don't have to say it back," He starts, seeing the deer trapped in the headlights look on her face, " It can mean as much or as little as you're ready for it to mean, and if you need to, we can pretend the last five minutes didn't happen." He lets his palm slide over her knee, and leaves it there for the briefest of moments before retracting it. "I'm gonna get another drink."

When he returns, he sits down a little further away from her, giving her the space he thinks she needs to put herself back together. She just gives him a look before sliding along the wooden bench and putting them in greater proximity than they were before. Her heart is thrumming nervously in her ears and she crosses her legs beneath the table, tentatively rubbing the toe of one boot against his calf muscle in an attempt to relax him. _Because she'll be damned if this night becomes about something that she is still too broken to be able to fix._

He starts to draw away from her and her strokes become bolder, more insistent. Castle looks at her questioningly and she gives him a casual shrug of the shoulders. _Just go with it._ "If I didn't know you any better, I'd say you were trying to get me drunk." She inclines her head towards the other drink sat in front of him and her lips curve up into a smile. There's that familiar teasing lilt to her voice and it lets him know that things are okay between them, that even if she takes him at his word and never brings it up again, she knows how he feels.

Castle flashes her a grin, sliding the other tumbler of scotch along the table towards her, "I know better than to try, Detective," He breathes, the use of her official title rolling off his lips and elevating the tension of a completely different kind. Beneath the underlying banter, she can hear the complete sincerity in his words.

Kate leans in closer still, her tongue darting out to wet her lips and she takes a long gulp from the glass. After her earlier invasion of his personal space, he's more acutely aware of her than ever; the warm weight of her body pressing firmly against his side, scorching despite the layers of clothing between them. Her thigh nudges against him as she shifts deliberately in the booth and this time he knows it's completely intentional. He watches riveted as her tongue chases away a droplet of scotch from her upper lip, and with a considerably drier throat, he has to swallow a couple of times.

Her gaze flicks briefly to his mouth and when it flicks back to his eyes, a shade darker than before, she knows she has him. She hasn't had enough to drink that she's no longer in control of what she's saying, but it's just enough to make her brave. "You wouldn't have to try very hard tonight, Castle." She admits, and if he asks, she'll firmly assert that the sudden rush of heat to her cheeks is purely due to the liquid courage lacing her veins.

When Castle doesn't speak straight away, Kate can tell he's busy considering the implication of her words, "We're not just talking about the alcohol anymore, are we?" He says, watching her intently for any of her little tells.

"You wanna go someplace else?" Kate answers his question with one of her own, slipping her hand into his, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.

"What about Espo?" Castle is already reaching behind him for his jacket.

Kate jerks her head towards the bar, to where Esposito is now sat. They both watch as he slides a drink across to a pretty blonde and can't fail to notice the way in which she is obviously hanging on to his every word. "I'd say it's a pretty safe bet he won't notice we've gone."

"Something tells me you shouldn't mention this to Lanie," Castle says in an undertone, sliding out of the booth and holding out a hand to pull her up from the seat. Kate murmurs in agreement, using him to steady herself. She feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up when – in the process of helping her on with her jacket – his fingers come into contact with her skin. "C'mon let's get out of here!"

He pulls open the door and they're hit by a sudden blast of the cool night air. Kate tightens her scarf more firmly around her neck, and slides an arm easily around Castle's waist. He lets his arm wrap around her shoulders and they head down the alley which will take them back onto the main street.

The silence between them is comfortable although she keeps darting little glances at him and it quickly becomes apparent that there's something on her mind. "Castle, about what you said earlier –" She starts.

"You don't have to say anything –" He interrupts, and their walk slows to a complete stop.

"You were right," She silences him with a look. She can't put either of them through this a second time and while she may not be ready to acknowledge her lie, she won't deny him again. "I can't say it back yet, but I don't want to pretend that you didn't say it."

Castle looks at her with an unreadable expression on his face, before reaching out and touching a hand to her cheek. And then right there in the middle of a shadowy alley, he engages her in a kiss which steals all the breath from her body. He reaches up behind her back, pulling her hair from the bun it's in and letting his fingers tangle in her curls.

Her mouth parts in desperation to feel more of him and the rational part of her brain goes ignored when he uses his body to propel her backwards. She feels her back collide with the wall behind her and his leg slides between hers, pinning her there.

The noise that escapes her mouth sounds foreign to her, something somewhere between a gasp and a scream that might have been a variation of his name. She doesn't resist him when he reaches for the zipper on her jacket and later, a part of her will wonder if she'd have stopped him even with rationale talking. Right now though, she can't find it in her to care.

Castle tugs the scarf away from her neck, his mouth leaving hers and allowing her to take in shuddering breaths of air, while he lets his lips descend lower. He lets out a frustrated huff when the material of her blouse refuses to give, denying him access to the skin at the column of her throat.

Their bodies are flush and she's about to cave and unbutton the shirt herself, but that means taking her hands from where they've dipped beneath the hem of his black button-down. Every inch of him is pressing insistently into her smaller frame and his mouth moves to cover hers again, regretfully swallowing the noises he's imagined her making ever since he first knew what it was like to kiss her.

When her hands slip down into the back pockets of his pants, he's about to tell her they need to stop because this really wasn't his intention when he initiated the kiss, and they can't do this here anyway. But with the way she has herself pressed against him, it's impossible to tell where she ends and he begins.

"Oi, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

There's a forced intervention just then in the form of the bartender who has spent the evening serving their drinks. In their haste, neither of them have noticed that they're stood directly next to the side entrance into the bar.

They break apart, Kate blushing furiously; her hair distinctly rumpled and her shirt having accidentally been torn in the process. Even Castle has the good grace to look embarrassed as he moves in front of her to allow her to make sure she's adequately covered. He can't help but to catch her eye though and they both quickly look away to prevent themselves laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation and risking incriminating themselves further.

Beckett bites her lip and with barely a couple of inches between them, they can both feel the way her shoulders are shaking with silent laughter. "They have motel rooms for things like that." The barkeeper reprimands them sharply – leaving them feeling thoroughly chastised – and wanders off muttering under his breath about young people and their lack of self-respect.

When he's gone, another glance in Castle's direction is all it takes for them both to simultaneously start laughing. "Did you see his face?"

"How old do you think he thought we were?" She snorts, in a manner that is so distinctly un-Beckett-like that it delights him to see. Kate wipes a hand across her face, regaining some of her composure. "So as first dates go-"

"Well it certainly takes me back a few years," Castle concedes, when he finally coordinates himself to be able to move.

Kate suppresses another snort, "Only a few?" Her eyes twinkle with mirth and there's no mistaking the smirk painted firmly across her lips.

"How about you?" She looks confused at the question and he fixes her with one of his curious stares, elaborating further. "What did young Katie Beckett get up on dates?"

A slow smile crosses her face, when she realizes what he's getting at. "Why Castle? Surely you're not implying that I'm one to kiss and tell."

"You show me yours, I'll show you mine," He gives her a winning grin.

Beckett smirks, "Same story, different city," She replies nonchalantly, flashing him a smile that is all tongue and teeth. "Although there is one college memory, I wouldn't mind reliving with you." Her teeth sink into her lip and she regards him with an arched eyebrow, knowing she has him exactly where she wants him. "You game?"

* * *

On the way to their hotel they stop off at a liquor store and Kate makes him wait outside while she goes in, returning a few minutes later carrying a brown paper bag. He tries to ask her what she's planning but a couple of looks later and he knows he'll just have to wait and see.

Reigning in his curiosity was only ever going to last for so long though and he takes the first opportunity that presents itself. When Kate returns from the bathroom she regards with amusement the shots of tequila, salt and limes which he's taken the liberty of slicing, now sat on the coffee table and the somewhat incredulous look on his face.

"Body shots?"

"What's up Castle? You afraid of a little action?" Kate feels a sense of victory as the challenge rolls off her tongue; she's been waiting a long time to throw his own words back at him.

Never one to back down, Castle unbuttons his shirt and removes it completely, abandoning it across a chair, "Why don't you show me how it's done?"

Kate picks up one of the shots and hands him one of the wedges of lime, motioning for him to lay back on the bed. Castle does so and she picks up the salt, forming a line of it across the broad expanse of his chest.

Leaning over him and using the bed to brace herself, she places her hands either side of his body, lowering her head and allowing her tongue to traverse his abs briefly before joining up with the line of salt.

Kate then sits up to take her shot, downing it in one swift movement and uses her mouth to take the lime from him. "Your turn," She winks, biting into the citrus fruit and relishing the acidic taste it leaves in her mouth.

The twinkle in his eye is back and he allows his gaze to deliberately roam her curves for a minute before travelling back up to make eye contact, "You're gonna have to take off your shirt."


	4. Chapter 3

_**Author Note: **_

_Thanks for all the love you guys have for this story, and for all the words of encouragement on twitter. They mean a lot to me and I hope you continue to enjoy the story I'm telling. There will be an additional insert for this chapter published at a later date because I've decided not to increase the rating! This chapter follows on from the events of Kill Shot and as always any dialogue used from the episode is in italics. And as always, thanks to Ally for being a super-awesome beta and kicking my procrastinating ass from time to time ;)_

* * *

**Chapter Three**

When Beckett walks over to her desk, after she and Esposito have given Captain Gates their version of the events which led to the shooting of Lee Travis, she finds Castle occupying his usual spot next to her desk, focusing on something on his phone. He looks up when she sits down, "_Hey."_

Her face breaks into the first smile he's seen pretty much since the case landed on her desk and he's relieved to see it, "_Hey, what are you doing?" _She answers.

"_Just waiting for my partner," _Castle replies easily and she feels a twinge of guilt at his words because things have been off-kilter between them ever since that night in Atlantic City and she knows she hasn't handled the situation even remotely well. "_Maybe you've seen her; pretty girl, thinks she can leap tall buildings in a single bound, carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, yet still manages to laugh at some of my jokes." _There's no recrimination in his tone and she thinks, not for the first time, that he doesn't deserve any of this.

_She doesn't deserve him._

He's waiting for her to speak; despite the lightness in his tone she can tell he still isn't sure where they stand. "_She sounds like a handful," _Beckett comments; it sounds half-hearted even to her own ears, even when ignoring the self-deprecating smile that graces her lips.

"_Tell me about it," _Castle leans in towards her, mock exasperation and an exaggerated sigh escaping with his words, and she finds herself immeasurably grateful for the levity he always manages to provide. "_Anyway, if you do see her, tell her she owes me about – a hundred coffees."_

Her lips twitch in mild amusement and a quick assessment leaves her realizing that he's somehow managed to relieve the weight of her guilty burden. "_Castle?" _She calls him back when he gets up to leave, and he turns back to look at her expectantly. "_Thank you."_

"_For what?" _He looks at her almost appraisingly. _Of course he wouldn't think he'd done anything being the selfless man that he is, but then that only makes the way she's treated him lately worse._

"_For not pushing, and for giving me the space to get through this," _Now that the case is over, she's managed to put herself back together enough that she realizes the extent of what he's done for her. And it deserves acknowledging, he deserves to know what a difference he made. Because she's prepared to bet her entire collection of Castle's books that he had at least _something _to do with Esposito's intervention earlier.

"_Always," _Castle smiles, like it's no big deal and when she looks at him she knows it isn't, because that's their word. It means there's nothing in the world he wouldn't do if it will make her life easier. "Let me take you home? I'll even throw in dinner."

Beckett bites her lip because _god knows, i_n the wake of the last seventy-two hours the prospect of enjoying something normal like dinner makes her heart leap. But even though the case is closed, its time she made her peace with the demons she's still carrying. "Can we take a rain check?" She asks, reluctant to do so but knowing it is for the best, "I'd love to have dinner with you but there's something else I need to do tonight." She glances around the room and seeing that everyone else has cleared out for the night leans across, feathering her lips against his cheek.

"Until tomorrow then Detective," Castle grins and she's relieved to see the twinkle back in his eye. As messed up as she was – and arguably still is – she isn't naïve enough to believe the past six months haven't affected him more than he lets on. She can't fault him for that though, playing her cards as closely to her chest as she does.

"Night Castle," Beckett calls after his retreating form. Her eyes only flick briefly to the pile of case files still demanding her attention before shutting down her computer for the night. She grabs her jacket from the back of the chair and when she leaves the bullpen, it is with one less worry weighing her heart down.

* * *

Usually when she has a session with her therapist she leaves it feeling completely drained and wanting to do nothing more than to sleep for the next month. Today however is different; she feels hopeful – optimistic even. She knows that it is still just the beginning of a very long road and,given recent events, is all too aware that it'll be anything but easy. _But it's a start._

Where talking to Dr. Burke usually feels like him extracting the information from her, she's surprised to find that she volunteered it quite freely. His words play on her mind as she zips along the congested New York City highways on her Harley. _You're gonna have to learn to make peace with the scars from your shooting._

She'd wanted to tell him she was fine, that her scars were no longer an issue and once she probably would have done. The words were halfway to her lips before she swallowed down the lie, still haunted by the look on Castle's face just before she fled shirtless, into the bathroom of an Atlantic City hotel.

"_You're gonna have to take off your shirt." The corners of her lips turn down when she realizes and her fingers trip hesitantly over the buttons. Sensing her reluctance, he jumps to put her at ease. "Beckett – Kate, we don't have to –"_

"_I want to," Kate looks at him and there's something almost desperate in her expression, because this has spent the past six months defining her. She wants, more than anything, to be able to look at herself in the mirror again and come face to face with the self-assured, independent woman she used to be._

_She manages to make eye contact for the entire time, slipping each tiny disk from the fastening. Castle still looks wary and her heart breaks a little bit more. She can't take it. Trying not to concentrate on the voices rushing through her head – telling her that it's too soon, telling her that she's doing this for all the wrong reasons – she peels the shirt away from her body and it joins his on the floor._

_She catches him appraising her from the side and wishes fervently there was significantly more alcohol in her system for what she's about to do... before turning to face him full on. The look on his face changes and she catches the stifled choking noise he makes, despite his attempt to disguise it. "It's fine Castle," She says with more certainty than she feels, reaching out and gripping his hand briefly before laying down on the bed._

_Everything always comes back to the scars which mar her skin. Castle looks down at her, eyes irrevocably drawn to the angry red scar between her breasts and there's something remarkably like terror in his eyes. She's only ever seen that look there once before, while blackness clung to the edges of her vision and she drifted in and out of consciousness. And it's all it takes to take her back._

"_Kate," He breathes out her name on a shaky exhale, needing to put a stop to this before it drags them both down to a place they're not ready to go. She's not listening though. Her chest heaves from trying not to let this get to her but she seems to have no control over the rest of her body. Her hands are gripping his wrists and she's pushing his palms into her scar._

_Castle tries to resist, knows it's doing more harm than good, especially when she's already struggling to breathe. It takes him back too, and he can feel everything from the stickiness of the blood leaking out of the wound, to the occasional violent shudder she makes as the life leaves her body. His own breathing quickens and he tries to quell the sick feeling that's rising in his chest because he knows he doesn't stand a chance of calming her down if he isn't okay himself._

_Catching her wrists in one hand, he pulls her into a sitting position. "Look at me Kate," He says firmly, "Look at me." She's not listening to him, doesn't even seem to be aware of his presence. The erratic beat of her heart thuds against her rib cage and it terrifies him beyond anything else, seeing her so out of control. "Beckett," He tries, "I need you to breathe for me." His free hand traces the curve of her spine, "Focus on me and take slow even breaths. Keep your eyes on me."_

_Her skin is clammy to the touch and beads of sweat trickle down the valley between her breasts, a combination of the panic she's in and the effort it's taking to calm her down._

_In. Out. In. Out._

_Breathing deeply, like a drowning man on dry land, she blindly reaches out, breaking his grip on her and catching his hand in her own. "It's okay. You're okay Kate. I've got you."_

_Words of reassurance roll off his lips, breathed out against her sweaty brow and an exhausted Kate finally slumps forward, collapsing against his bare chest. Her body is still trembling and soft cries begin to escape on every exhale. Castle presses a kiss into her hair and her breathing hitches. He's concerned that she'll trigger another attack, tears gradually escalating to the point where long painful sobs are escaping her throat. His arms fold around her and he holds her to him, unrelenting, until they finally subside; until the hot tears cease dampening his skin, and her breathing finally evens out._

_He feels the moment she comes back to herself because her entire body stiffens in his arms and it causes him to pause the repetitive rubbing of her back. "Castle, let go of me!" There's an edge to her voice he hasn't heard before and as soon as he's lifted his weight from her she flees; the bathroom door shuts with a click that reverberates in the silence of the room._

She finds herself outside her building, still astride her bike and with her head a million miles away from where it should be; it troubles her that she has no idea how she made it home without causing an accident. As she takes the keys of the ignition, she's realizes that she's almost glad the elevator in her building is broken, forcing her to take the stairs. Kate pauses outside her apartment for a long moment, and draws in a deep breath before pushing open the door with great trepidation.

She opens her eyes and winces, surveying the damage. In the harsh light of day, now that she's stone cold sober, the damage looks worse than she remembered it when leaving for work that morning. Glass crunches underfoot and glitters up at her from the hardwood floor. A glass whisky tumbler lies in pieces in the kitchen, alcohol pooling around it and just a few inches away, her own blood stains the floor, and the cupboard.. and the sink.

Kate pulls herself up into a standing position, from where she crouched to examine the damage, and proceeds to collect up the empty bottles. She then reaches for the three half-empty bottles and doesn't even hesitate before pouring the remainder of their contents down the sink. The stench of the alcohol reaches her nose and she feels a sudden wave of nausea, although she's pretty sure that has less to with the hangover she's been nursing and much more to do with the disgust she feels towards herself. Composing herself, she throws the empties into a refuse sack and turns her attention to the shattered glass fragments littering her apartment.

It only takes her half an hour before the place is spotless; truthfully it is cleaner now than it had been prior to her breakdown. It looks like nothing ever happened, but she knows it'll be a while before she's able to look at anything in there without being reminded of her darkest day.

Wiping a hand across her forehead, Kate catches sight of herself in the mirror and her heart skips a beat. She lifts her shirt over her head, not caring where it lands as she moves to look at herself properly. Swallowing hard, she raises a shaking hand to trace the scars. Last night was a whole new low for her, and as her gaze lands on the bandage around her wrist, she makes herself a promise; that this is as bad as it's going to get. She's going to beat this, but she's starting to realize that she can't do it alone. She doesn't want to do it alone anymore.

* * *

Castle is trying to write when she shows up at the loft. His mother and daughter are in the Hamptons; after his paranoia about the sniper packed them off, they've decided to make an extended weekend of it. He hasn't exactly written a lot over the past few days, so this has left him with no excuses not to. With the first deadline for Frozen Heat coming up in a couple of weeks, Gina is already breathing down his neck, so he figures he should probably try and make some headway. _That is easier said than done though_, he thinks sardonically and when she knocks, he's disheartened to realize he's spent the better part of two hours staring at a blank screen, cursor blinking mockingly.

"Hey," His eyes rake over her, in the doorway and he can't fail to notice the slight redness around her eyes but is somewhat reassured when she smiles back without any hesitation.

Kate offers him the coffee cup she's clutching, "It's not a hundred, but it's a start," She says by way of explanation. It's accompanied by a casual shrug of the shoulders which Castle takes to mean _don't make a big deal out of it okay. _He can do that.

He accepts the cup from her with a grin, not needing words to explain what the gesture means to him, because coffee has always been their alternative to words. "To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure, Miss Beckett?" He steps out of the doorway, inviting her inside. "Oh wait, don't tell me you missed my sparkling personality and scintillating conversation already?"

"I won't. I don't think your ego needs any more stroking." She rolls her eyes in the way he's accustomed to, but she's toying with the stitching of her leather jacket and he knows her little tells well enough to identify that she's nervous. "Actually, I was hoping your offer of dinner was still on the table."

The grin on Castle's face widens and he practically drags her over to the sofa. She moves some papers to prevent them from getting crumpled beneath her body and realizes that she's holding the chapter outlines for his latest book. "But if you're busy I –"

Castle silences her with a look, picking up his laptop and tilting it so she can see the empty screen, "I wasn't getting anywhere anyway, so your timing is perfect." She still looks reluctant to stay, like she thinks her presence is bothering him, "You wouldn't want me to disappoint my readers now, would you?"

Kate is still torn, but eventually slides her jacket down over her arms and abandons it over the back of the sofa, "Well I certainly wouldn't want anyone to claim I'm not fulfilling my muse-related duties," She plays along, acquiescing surprisingly easier than he thought she would.

There's a reluctance though on her part in accepting the glass of wine he presses on her, something else which doesn't go unnoticed. "How bad was it?" He asks, and her brow knits together in confusion, "You think it will help to numb the pain, but it does nothing for the panic, the hyper-vigilance, does it?"

Kate can only meet his gaze briefly, but when she does she's taken aback by the understanding reflected there. Understanding that only comes from experience. She wants to tell him that she didn't know what she was doing, but the four glasses she'd consumed with the intention of _just taking the edge off _tell a different story and it's a half truth at best. She won't insult his intelligence by pretending otherwise. "No it doesn't," She answers finally, glancing back up at him, a note of resignation creeping into her voice. There's no judgement there. "It was pretty bad," She admits to his original question and the way his eyes immediately pan to her right arm isn't lost on her. _Of course he knows._

She rolls up her sleeve and holds out her arm to him, so he can see the length of gauze spanning from her wrist to a couple of inches below her elbow. "It isn't too bad today. It just looks worse than it is."

"I didn't ask," Castle says softly, but it's clearly taking all of his self-restraint to prevent him from unwrapping it and judging for himself.

"You were not asking very loudly," Kate manages a weak smile. "You can take a look if it'll put your mind at rest." He can't seem to coordinate himself enough to be able to unwrap the length of bandage so she gently retracts her arm and unwinds it herself. When she glances back up it's no surprise to see that Castle has retrieved a first aid kit that she's sure would be considered extensive by even Lanie's standards.

Her slight amusement must show in her expression though because he reads it correctly, shrugging his shoulders, "Occupational hazard of almost single-handedly raising a small child," He offers.

A ghost of a smile flits across her lips, "And there was me thinking it was for your benefit," She answers back, enjoying the look of discomfort on his face and feeling a small surge of victory when he holds up his hands in defeat. "Okay fine – Alexis insisted on it after she grew tired of accompanying me to the emergency room."

Kate laughs then and she's grateful they don't have to talk about it as Castle rifles through the kit for supplies. She stifles her gasp at the sudden sting caused by the removal of several gauze pads, revealing a jagged cut running vertically down her forearm. It finally seems to have stopped bleeding but it's definitely more than a surface laceration and she's clearly downplaying the injury.

He's relieved to see that it doesn't look infected and she seems to have done a pretty good job of cleaning it up but gently propels her over to the kitchen sink and proceeds to flush it out with cool water anyway. He uses cotton wool to wipe away bloodstains that have dried on her arm and then extends it towards him for closer inspection. Using his fingers to tease the edges of her skin back together, he works quickly to apply steri-strips, before replacing the gauze covering it. "That definitely warrants several stitches. I've done the best I can but that's gonna leave a bit of a scar."

"It isn't like it's the first time," Kate quips sarcastically and when she flashes him a grin, it throws him for a loop because he isn't sure when she got to the stage where she can joke about it. It doesn't take her long to notice that he's no longer looking at her face, but instead his gaze bores a hole in the turtleneck she's wearing and she knows he's envisioning the scars which lay beneath. "Hey Castle," She lightly gets his attention; his breathing is coming slightly shallower now and she recognizes the signs. "My face is up here."

Her words seem to break him out of his reverie and when his eyes snap to hers, Castle has the grace to look suitably embarrassed, a light blush appearing on his cheeks, "Sorry I –"

"Don't be," Kate interrupts, waving away his apology. "It actually makes this next conversation kinda easier."

Castle tilts his head slightly to one side; it seems like he's about to discover what her air of nervousness is all about. "Let's take this somewhere more comfortable," He suggests, getting off his stool and holding out his hand to her. Kate accepts it with her uninjured one and allows herself to be pulled back towards the living room. She sinks down into the sofa cushions, pulling her legs up to tuck beneath her body.

She waits for Castle to pour himself a drink, reaching for her own glass of wine – with noticeably less reluctance than she had initially – and taking a sip. "I uh – I went to see my therapist after work," She starts, tugging at a loose thread on her sleeve to distract herself.

"Oh, right," Castle still finds himself surprised by the version of Beckett he's been seeing a lot more of lately, and when she opens up to him, without him needing to push her it takes him a half-second to catch up. "Did it help?"

She regards him thoughtfully for a moment, "I feel like I'm in a better place now – or at least I'm confident that I can be. My whole life has been about my Mom's murder, about – about needing a place to hide."

_'I know you crawled inside your mother's murder and didn't come out. I know you hide there, the same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love.' _

She falls silent and his words from that day in her apartment reverberate through the intervening months and fall away, leaving them both reeling slightly. Kate pretends to ignore the slight dampness around his eyes. "It's not the life I want for myself anymore, Castle. I want to be more." _For us. I want to be more for us._

She looks at him carefully and in it he sees a flicker of her old self; the Kate Beckett who has so many walls she could give China a run for its money. She opens her mouth a couple of times but no words come out, so he waits patiently, his hand reaching across the gap between them to rest on top of her own. "I need you to help me with something."

"Name it," He doesn't even have to pause.

"Dr Burke said to me today that the first step to overcoming my PTSD is acceptance of my shooting, which means –"

"Coming to terms with the physical reminders as well as your memories," Castle supplies for her, finally understanding what this conversation has to do with their previous one, "Or in your case, I guess it would be the lack of memories."

Her eyes flick to his only briefly, fearful that he'll see everything she's spent months keeping from him. As much progress as she's made, and as much as her session today has left her feeling invigorated, that's still a bridge too far. "Do you know what I see when I look in the mirror? How it makes me feel when I chase after a suspect and feel the burn in my chest for hours afterwards?"

"I can hazard a pretty good guess," Castle answers softly, his fingers seeking out her knee because she's growing agitated again and he just wants to be able to provide her with some measure of relief. "You're still healing though Kate. How you feel now, it isn't all you're ever going to be – you're more than you realize and I wish you could see yourself the way I do."

"Help me?" She says it so quietly, he doesn't quite catch it.

"What?"

There's barely an inch between them on the couch and she takes his glass from his hand, placing them both on the coffee table, her hand coming up to touch his cheek, "Help me?" She repeats a little louder; the air thickens between them and the intent clearly marks her words.

"Are you sure about this?" After what happened in Atlantic City and the way this case has affected her, he's cautious. "Because this can't be just some emotional response to everything you're dealing with right now. It wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"That isn't what this is," She assures him, rising up onto her knees and fisting her hands in the collar of his button-down. Her lips brush chastely against his, and she's only really aware in that moment how much she's missed this connection between them over the last couple of weeks. When Castle doesn't respond straight away she pulls back, respecting his need for space. "I just need you to help me see myself the way that you see me."

Her words are his undoing and he chases the distance between them, lips colliding with hers hard enough to bruise. She takes her hands from his cheeks and reaching for his, places them at the bottom of her shirt, raising her arms into the air. Never letting his gaze waver from her face, he lifts it over her head and lets it drop to the couch, "You are beautiful Kate," His fingers ghost along the curve between her neck and shoulders, hooking into her bra straps and in perfect symmetry, sliding them down her arms.

Kate almost rolls her eyes, although her breath catches in her throat at the way he's touching her so she can't speak. Instead she continues to guide him, taking his hand and letting it trail down over her sternum. His fingers seek out the round scar, running over the raised edges and she's almost relieved when he finally looks down, "How about now?" Her voice remains steady, although she knows he'll be able to feel the way her heart hammers rapidly beneath his hand. "You'd be lying if you said that this doesn't change the way you see me."

Silence follows in the wake of her words and Castle regards her with a stare so intense that she feels the flutters of that familiar urge she gets to run and hide "You're right," He says eventually, "It does change the way I see you." The way her shoulders drop slightly in conjunction with her face clouding over isn't lost on him and so he continues, using the pad of his thumb to caress the scar. "They make me realize that you're still human, and I don't mean that in the way it sounds, just that you've always been extraordinary to me and this proves it. I don't know that I could go through everything you've been through and still be able to smile. You show me what it means to be a hero."

"I think you overestimate me, Castle," She says on a sigh, offering him a watery smile.

"You underestimate yourself," He retorts, firmly.

"How about now?" Kate asks, sliding his hands further down and allowing him to feel the slightly raised ridges left by her surgical scars, "Can you learn to love those too?"

He's not sure when this became about him, but it's clearly something that's bothering her judging by the way she's staunchly refusing to meet his eyes. "These are how they got your heart to start beating again. If you didn't have these then we wouldn't even be sitting here having this conversation. They make me realize how lucky I am to have you."

Tears well up in her eyes and he uses his thumb to chase away the one that escapes down her cheek,

"Don't you get it yet Kate?" Her brow knits together in confusion and she casts her eyes upwards to find him holding her gaze, "When it comes to you, there's nothing left to learn to love."

"Show me," She whispers, rising up onto her knees and kissing him soundly.

_And he does._


	5. Chapter 4

_**Author Note:**_

_Thanks for all the reviews and favorites guys. I'm so happy that everyone seemed to enjoy the last chapter because it was the one I enjoyed writing the most so far. Sorry for the delay in posting this update; a hectic couple of weeks combined with spending a lot of time not liking this chapter made for a lot of procrastination. _

_This will diverge from the episodic recount I've been going into for a couple of chapters after this because there are things I want to cover in terms of their relationship, which it wouldn't have made sense for the show to cover during S4. Again, this chapter will have an additional M-rated insert which will be published at a later date. _

_This chapter follows on from Cuffed and I'm pretty sure it goes without saying now, but any dialogue used from the episode is in italics. _

_Thanks as always to Ally, for being my beta and picking out my British-ness ;)_

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Beckett comes out of the Captain's office, feeling thoroughly chastised after assuring Iron Gates that Castle had little influence over te predicament they'd found themselves in that day. She'd willingly taken the blame for it, figuring that the Captain already has more than enough reasons not to like him, without this reinforcing her belief that to him this is all just play-pretend.

Her face splits into a grin when she finds him still waiting by her desk, and her happiness spills over into her voice when she acknowledges the fresh cup of coffee on her desk. "You didn't have to wait for me." Her eyes meet his in a silent show of gratitude.

"Yeah well, I figured it was maybe about time I started pulling my weight around here." Castle motions towards the pile of paperwork on her desk.

Her brow shoots up at that. She studies his face, her forehead creasing up in surprise and suspicion written all over her features. "Okay, what are you up to?"

He gives her a winning smile; one that momentarily distracts her, although she's definitely not buying it. She figures that whatever it is, she'll find out sooner or later. And quite honestly, all she really cares about right now is going home. Everything else can wait.

"_This has got to be the strangest brush with death that I've ever had," _Beckett reflects, her words escaping amidst a sigh as she flexes her wrist to ease some of the discomfort where the cuffs had been digging in all day. She takes off her blazer, and then drains half the contents of the mug in about four mouthfuls.

Castle grins, glancing up at her. "_Me too, but I'll tell you, after that experience if I ever have to be hitched to someone it would be you."_

She's glad she replaced her mug on her desk because his words render her breathless and cause her to momentarily forget how to swallow before a sudden warmth flares in her chest. "_Hitched?"_

Her lip twitches in mild amusement and if she wasn't so shell-shocked she'd have laughed out loud at the expression on his face. "_Hitched? No I didn't say hitched, I said cuffed. Handcuffed, not hitched. The colloquial or any connotation or meaning."_ Castle rapidly starts to backtrack and Beckett feels the tightness in her chest start to decrease. She's careful not to catch his eye, because he'll almost certainly tease her about the smile that's threatening to spread across her face. She grabs her winter coat, grin widening when he immediately reaches out to help her slip it on over the turtleneck.

"_It's okay, Castle." _She's quick to let him off the hook, and notes the look of relief on his face. "_I understood what you meant and for what it's worth –" _She hesitates, taking a quick scan of the bullpen to check it's empty before closing the gap between them and linking the hands that had been joined all day. "_If I ever have to spend another night handcuffed to someone again, I wouldn't mind if it was you either."_

"_Really?"_ Beckett bites back a grin; the satisfied smirk on his own lips and the slightly incredulous note in his voice not lost on her. There's a definite glint of mischief in her eyes as she untucks her hair from the collar of her coat and slides her motorcycle helmet under her arm, tossing him a coy look and choosing her next words deliberately carefully.

"_But next time, let's do it without the tiger."_

She walks away with an additional bounce in her step and a sway to her hips which leaves Castle stood there, mouth slightly agape. "_Next time?" _Beckett merely tosses a glance over her shoulder, smirking at him stood dumbstruck in the middle of the bullpen and she isn't surprised when she hears his footsteps follow in her wake.

"So there's uh – there's gonna be a next time, huh?" His words are hot against the side of her face.

The smile plays on the corners of her lips and she sinks her teeth into the bottom one in the way she knows gets his attention. "I'd say that's a pretty safe bet." The elevator doors slide open but Kate makes no move to get on. Instead she puts a hand in the doorway to prevent it from closing again and jerks her head towards Castle. _After you. _Usually she wouldn't make a big deal out of it but after their conversation while they were joined together, it feels like something she should acknowledge.

She deliberately hangs back and can tell he looks pleased by the gesture, brushing up against her none too subtly as he sets foot in the elevator. "I'm looking forward to it already." Castle smirks, descending on her as soon as the doors have obscured them from view. She lets out a groan as her back hits them, helmet slipping from under her arm and landing with a thud on the floor as her hands shoot up to grab the lapels of his jacket, pulling him to her. She's dimly aware of Castle reaching out to hit the emergency stop button and when the elevator comes to a sudden halt they're both rocked by the force of the impact.

Their lips meet with a surprising gentleness in a delicious contrast to the current hungry undercurrent flowing between them. Each time their mouths collide leads to a kiss more heated than the last, until Castle eventually breaks the moment, lips grazing her jaw and his forehead finally aligning with hers. Their breathing is laboured. Although the intensity of their make out session has done nothing to lessen the tension thrumming in her veins, she's able to draw some relief from touching him the way she's been wanting to ever since she regained the full use of both of her hands. Taking a moment to compose herself she leans across him, releasing the button.

The elevator begins to move again and Beckett moves just far enough away so that the distance between them is respectable, but she immediately misses the contact between them. Castle replaces his hand at it's usual spot on her back and despite the look she gives him, she doesn't move away, his touch setting her nerve endings on fire, the heat pooling low in her stomach. "You wanna come over for a movie night?" Castle asks, and she's relieved for the intervention because her thoughts have taken a decidedly less-PG turn.

"Uh –" She starts, images of them burned onto her brain and she knows he feels her back ripple beneath his hand when her body involuntarily betrays her. She wants to say yes to him but something stops her. She's been silently conscious that they haven't spent a night apart since she showed up at his apartment after the sniper case. Add that to the fact they've been cuffed together all day and she's starting to feel slightly stifled. She releases a long breath, feeling the frustration starting to leak into her emotions, knowing she's overthinking it but being powerless to make it stop. She looks across at Castle. "Not tonight," Beckett answers finally. "Don't take this personally Castle –"

"But you need some space," Castle supplies and their eyes simultaneously fall to the wrists which had been joined and where the bruises are just starting to appear. She casts her gaze upwards, because he can probably hear the silent commentary running through her mind. The elevator doors open onto the parking garage and Castle leans across, letting his lips brush hers. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Beckett can hear the question in his voice and for the second time in as many minutes she finds herself considering the implications of saying yes. Because he's seen pretty much all there is to see, both in the literal sense and metaphorically speaking but she's still holding something back and their relationship is progressing faster than she anticipated. "I'll let you know?" She answers him with another question. "I haven't seen my dad in a while so I was thinking of calling him for lunch."

If Castle can sense that she's not being entirely truthful then she's grateful he doesn't let on, pulling her in for another quick kiss and then letting go with the intention of heading out to grab a taxi. Kate watches him walk away, torn. He only takes a few steps before she makes a split second decision and calls him back. "Castle?" He spins around at the sound of his name and she produces the keys to her bike. "Can I offer you a ride home?" She laughs at the way his eyes light up and pulls open a locker, tossing him the spare helmet she keeps in there. "Don't look so excited, we're sticking to the speed limit."

* * *

True to her word, and much to Castle's chagrin, Kate does indeed stick to the speed limit. He doesn't really mind though, because she does allow his hands to wander from where they're gripping either side of her waist, every time they come to a standstill in rush hour New York City traffic. They weave between cars and the wind picks up, roaring in his ears and leaving him feeling elated but slightly deaf when she pulls up outside his building, abandoning her Harley at the edge of the sidewalk. When they remove their helmets, both of their cheeks are flushed and he's pretty sure the exhilaration on her face is the mirror image of his. "Enjoy that?" She regards him with an arched eyebrow, the corners of her lips curving upwards in amusement.

Castle's hands find her waist again and he pulls her into his arms, her body reacting on instinct and hips canting into his at the touch. "Loved it," He assures her in a timbre several octaves lower than normal. His eyes have darkened too and he's beginning to feel the physical effects their close proximity has on his body. There's no way he has her fooled into believing he's just talking about the ride. "You sure I can't convince you to stay?"

"I'm sure," She answers, shaking her head slightly. "I'm sure you can keep yourself amused for twenty-four hours without me. I'll call you."

_**I'll call you, okay?**_

The words are startlingly similar to last time and he attributes this fact to the slight sting hearing them provokes. Although he attempts not to let it show, he must be unsuccessful because she jumps to rectify the situation. "Castle, I didn't mean –" She hesitates and he can hear the mild panic as she struggles to explain herself. "This isn't me running away."

"Well forgive me for being a little cautious, Kate, but the last time you asked me to give you space I didn't hear from you for three months." He regrets instantly the way his words come out, with more bite than he intended, even to his own ears.

"This isn't what this is, Castle!" She exclaims. "It's completely different."

"Is it?" This conversation is taking a decidedly serious turn; having gone from teasing to serious in the space of about a minute. They haven't talked about it; not since that day on the swings two months ago and somewhere in the back of his mind, it's been there. It simmers beneath the surface, playing host to every resentful thought that's seeped into his consciousness since the day she put up her walls between them. "I don't know what it is," He counters. "I don't think you do either, and that's what worries me."

She breaks their gaze first, leaving him with a feeling that he's just hit the nail completely on the head. "You're worried I'm going to get scared and bail on you? On us?"

"Should I be?" The words roll off his tongue before he can think them through, but he thinks he feels better for getting them off his chest. At least until she visibly seems to deflate in front of him, and then all he feels is guilty.

"I told you when we went into this that I don't find this easy. Castle, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here." Her voice has lost any of the defensiveness her previous statements have held, and a part of him wants to put an end to the conversation. But if they don't talk about it now, there might not be a later. "But I am trying."

They're stood a couple of inches apart now, both breathing heavily. "I know you are." Castle is the first one to break the silence, trying to dispel the awkward tension that now lingers between them. "Go home Kate. Go eat something and run yourself a bath. Read a good book. Take the weekend to clear your head and we'll talk about this again on Monday."

Tears prick at the corners of her eyes, but she nods in what he knows is as close as she gets to acceptance. "This is nothing to do with anything you have or haven't done, okay? It's about me." He can almost hear the words she isn't saying as well; _it's always about me._

"I know, which is why you need some time to think before we talk about this anymore." Castle tells her patiently, pulling her to him so he can fuse his mouth against hers. He seems to hesitate for a fraction of a second, not knowing exactly what 'space' constitutes and eventually settling on, "If you need me though, call me." He leans into kiss her cheek and watches her drive away, ascending the steps to the loft when he can no longer see her.

* * *

Kate lets herself into her apartment and the first thing which hits her is the quiet, broken only by the constant hum of the fridge. The silence hadn't used to bother her but now it reminds her too much of the summer; of weeks spent in the middle of nowhere with only the sound of crickets chirping and a faulty fan whirring, for company.

She picks up the pile of mail from the mat, leafing through it to see if there's anything of importance. Putting the bills on the dresser by the door, she drops the junk mail in the bin and attaches a flyer from her local Chinese to the fridge.

It isn't just the silence that gets her. She's always loved this apartment and it has felt like home ever since she moved in. These days though, it goes to show exactly how much she's become accustomed to going over to the loft after work because when she's here now, she'd rather be anywhere else.

She hasn't been by in what has to be two weeks – at least not for more than a change of clothes - but it hasn't escaped her notice that everything from the makeshift murder board, darkening her living room, to the reminders of her breakdown two weeks ago, have become harder to stomach.

It's an overwhelming feeling to have. She's spent so long carrying her mom's murder around with her that it's almost surprising how much it hurts to feel like this. That anything can still affect her in that way. Kate swallows hard trying to dispel the lump in her throat and blink back the sudden moisture that has formed in her eyes.

Rummaging through her purse, in an attempt to distract herself from the morbid thoughts chasing themselves around the chambers of her brain, her fingers close around her phone. Kate drops down onto the couch and quickly falls into the familiar routine of checking first her text messages, then her emails and then Facebook. This takes up all of ten minutes. _Now what?_

* * *

She'd ordered herself Chinese, poured herself a glass of red and settled in with Patterson's new release, as per Castle's instructions, although she had to stifle a grin at what he'd think to her choice of reading material. She only makes it eleven pages before giving up, having read the same sentence about four times without it registering. Instead she marks her place and puts it back on the shelf, selecting her well thumbed advance reading copy of Heat Wave, recalling wistfully the injustice of how hard she'd had to angle for it in the first place.

When even that fails to hold her attention, Kate drops it beside her on the couch, pulling one of the cushions over her face and letting out a frustrated half scream. She doesn't know what to do with herself and for what has to be the tenth time since she walked through the door, she finds herself wondering what Castle is up to.

He's right though. She doesn't know what she wants – or at least – she's too scared to admit to it. She's bored and missing him and it's pathetic. She is Kate Beckett, NYPD detective and up until he came into her life, she never needed anyone.

She picks up her phone, cycling through her recent call list and hesitating when she gets to Castle's name. He told her to call if she needed him; she delights in the fact he'd come if she did call and there's an almost overwhelming urge to hear his voice. But he's right. She's conflicted and it's the fear of making a bad situation worse that causes her to keep scrolling.

Kate is just hesitating over calling her best friend, when it seems fate makes the decision for her and Lanie's contact picture appears on the screen. She almost jumps at the unfamiliar sound it's making, not used to hearing anything other than the pre-installed ringtones. It takes her several seconds to catch on and when she does, she realizes what Castle's behavior at the precinct was all in aid of. He must have thought he was being so clever.

"Hey Lanie."

She's torn between the desire to laugh or cry, but eventually the former wins out. For the first time since she walked through her apartment door, a giggle escapes her mouth. It quickly escalates into full blown amusement and she finds herself having to explain what she's finding so funny.

_Eye of the tiger. Really, Castle?_

* * *

Not twenty minutes later, Lanie appears at Kate's door, armed with a box of donuts and a bottle of red wine which puts anything in Kate's pantry to shame. "Damn, this is good stuff!"

The critical eye Lanie runs over her isn't lost on Kate, but she lets it go for her friend's peace of mind. "Well it sounded like the occasion called for it." She accepts the glasses Kate hands her from the cupboard one-handed, depositing the box she's still holding on the coffee table.

"I hope you didn't splurge on my account."

"Like I could afford this on my pay check." Lanie snorts, and laughing, Kate has to admit she makes a fair point. "Actually it was a gift."

"Lanie Parish, do you have a new man in your life?"

It doesn't escape her notice that the M.E suddenly becomes preoccupied with decanting the wine into their glasses. "It's too soon to tell." She offers evasively. "Although if he wants to keep showering me with gifts, you won't hear me complaining."

Kate makes an indistinct noise in the back of her throat and it diverts Lanie's attention back to her. "Anyway, rumor has it that somebody had an interesting day today." She arches an eyebrow and Kate manages a dry chuckle.

"That's one way of putting it." The detective smiles wryly. "It'll be a while before I can look at Central Park Zoo in the same light, that's for sure."

"Well at least you were in good company." Lanie teases and if she was hoping for a reaction, Kate doesn't disappoint.

The effect her words have is almost instantaneous as - for the second time that day - Kate both inhales and tries to swallow at the same time, prompting a coughing fit. Lanie passes her a wad of tissues to mop up the wine that has slopped over the edges of the glass, in the process, throwing her a sly sideways glance. In the time Lanie has known her, she's picked up a thing or two and Kate is well aware she can play the interrogation game easily as well as she does. The room has suddenly become about ten degrees warmer and there's no hiding the pink blush now spreading across the Detective's cheeks. "Something you want to tell me?"

_No, nothing. _The voice in her head counters insistently, but what has she invited Lanie over for if not to seek her perspective on the matter? "How long have you known?" Lanie doesn't reply and when a triumphant smirk appears on her lips, the penny drops and Kate realizes that she's just been played. "You didn't know, did you?" She asks accusingly.

"Know what?" Lanie feigns ignorance and Kate feels a stab of annoyance, because she knows what the M.E is trying to do. "Cat got your tongue?"

"I hate you," mutters Kate, from behind the rim of her wine glass and her friend only

laughs. "Castle and I we're - we're seeing each other." It surprises her just how good it feels saying that out loud and her words certainly seem to have shut Lanie up. "If I'd have known this is how you were gonna react, I'd have told you before now."

"I knew something had changed between you, the other week at the crime scene. The tension was off the charts," Lanie says when she finds her voice again. "But you never can tell with the two of you. Hell, I'd practically given up any hope of you realizing you're perfect for each other, any time before I retire."

Kate gives her a look, because her friend has just unknowingly echoed the conversation that she and Castle had been having earlier that day, re: her relationship with Javi. "You're a fine one to talk." She jibes gently; not yet in the habit of knowing when discussing Esposito is okay and when it's still too much of a sore point.

"Because you're my best friend, I'm willing to overlook that comment in favour of some details." Lanie brushes off her words, smirking. "Starting with when and how long you've been hiding this?"

Kate has the good grace to look slightly guilty although she has to stifle a laugh because the recrimination in Lanie's tone is easily outweighed by her curiosity. "Things started to change after the bank robbery." She admits. "I started to spend more and more nights at the loft – nothing happened," She adds sternly in response to the sly look that crosses Lanie's face, suddenly very glad she left out the part where they'd shared a bed. "All of a sudden it's like everything became less about our friendship and more about all the time I've spent holding back. I didn't tell you then because I wasn't even sure what we were doing." _Hell, she still doesn't know what she's doing._ "We agreed to take things slowly and see where that took us."

"And how did that work out for you?" Kate feels the flush creeping back up on her neck and glances away, feeling far too exposed at the all too knowing look Lanie gives her. "Like I even need to ask." Her friend laughs, presumably taking her silence to prove some kind of point.

"We haven't spent a night a part in over two weeks." Kate confides, worrying her lip between her teeth.

"And yet you don't sound completely thrilled about that," Lanie comments, as perceptive as ever.

Kate sighs, following suit and taking a donut from the box on the table and chewing on it

thoughtfully. "I love it," She admits, once she's swallowed her mouthful. "That's the problem."

The M.E's eyes narrow and she tilts her head to one side, "Okay you've lost me, backtrack a second girl, and tell me which part of that is problematic?"

Uncertainty clouds Kate's expression for a minute as she contemplates Lanie's words and she considers her own carefully. "We're spending too much time together and Castle isn't even irritating me anymore, well no more than usual. If anything he's less annoying now. I go over to the loft after work and it's starting to feel routine. We've been in this thing for a month Lanie. It's too soon for this to become normal." Kate gets to her feet pacing the floor of her apartment and gesticulating emphatically to make her point. She recalls the conversation from the precinct earlier that evening.

_If I ever have to be hitched to someone it would be you._

It hadn't bothered her at the time; on the contrary she'd felt the warmth flare in her chest, igniting every nerve ending as she basked in the delight of watching Castle dig himself out of the hole. But now, added to everything else, it's her lack of anxiety regarding the statement which triggers the red flag. "He mentioned marriage and it didn't even bother me. I don't know what's happening to me." She's since had the glass of wine removed forcibly from her grip and both hands now rake through her hair in frustration.

"Oh honey." Kate looks at her friend through hands which are now covering her face and the singsong tone to her voice makes her immediately suspicious. "For the best detective in the division how is it that you're so damn clueless? You're in love with him Kate. Head over heels, hopelessly in love. I don't need to take a crack at police academy to realize that."

It's a measure of how worked up Kate has gradually become over the course of their conversation - or _interrogation - _ that she doesn't reprimand her for that crack. Right now she's having to concentrate on breathing, alarmed at the matter of fact way in which Lanie is tossing the 'L-word' about. "But Lanie -"

"Nu-uh, I'm not done talking yet. So you're gonna sit, and you're gonna listen." Her friend silences her with a glare. "This isn't anything new. For four years the entire precinct has watched the two of you pushing each other's buttons and every time things got too real for you, you pushed him away because you weren't ready then. You've been to hell and back over the last few months, and he's still here Kate, right where he's always been. Don't push him away again."

"What if I still don't feel ready now?"

"Then you need to ask yourself if you ever will be," Lanie tells her. "And if the answer you come up with is _no, _then you need to let him know that and make peace with the idea of him moving on. Because you can't expect him to wait forever."

Kate's face whitens visibly in the dimly lit room, and she swallows down the sudden bile she can feel rising in the back of her throat, alarmed by the M.E's words and panicked by what her reaction earlier could have been construed as. "It might be a little late for that," She mutters, reaching miserably for another donut.

Lanie mutters something under her breath which sounds suspiciously like, "For the love of God." And fixes her with another infamous glare, one which would've made her quail if she hadn't been used to being on the receiving end of her looks by now. "If you tell me you're on the outs again I swear-"

"We didn't have a fight," Kate interrupts. "Well not exactly. I told him I thought we were spending too much time together."

To her credit, Lanie keeps the sighing to a minimum, something which Kate is expressly grateful for. "How did he take it?"

"He told me to take the weekend and work out what it is I want," Kate admits, guilt creeping in and mingling with the surge of frustration that has been bubbling beneath the surface. "But it's been two hours Lanie and it's too quiet. I'm bored and -"

"And what?" Lanie prompts her.

"And I miss him," Kate admits quickly. Her best friend's features rearrange themselves into a smirk and the detective narrows her eyes, hitting her with one of the couch cushions. "Shut up," She grouches. "This is ridiculous. I'm being ridiculous."

"Finally she realizes it!" Lanie teases, her laugh dying on her lips as this time Kate lets go off the cushion, hitting her squarely in the face. "Kate, you've been in this thing for four years. I don't think you need to be too concerned that you're moving too quickly." She still doesn't look convinced, her forehead knitting together in thought, so Lanie tries a different tack. "It's the same story, okay. You're just writing a new chapter."

There's silence for a moment as Kate mulls over Lanie's words, letting out a loud laugh as she realizes why they sound familiar. _Because it sounds like an analogy he would use. _"Castle must be rubbing off on you."

Lanie's eyes sparkle with mischief, "I'm sure I'm not the only one." She smirks and the blush that is on Kate's cheeks intensifies.

"Lanie!" Kate reprimands her, mock disapproval lacing her tone, before she decides to play the M.E at her own game. "I'm afraid I couldn't possibly comment."

"Spoilsport," Lanie laughs, draining the remainder of her glass.

"Since you're so keen on sharing tonight, I guess you're ready to narrow down what you and Espo were fighting about this morning?"

"Touche Detective." Her friend smiles but it no longer meets her eyes. "On that note, I'm gonna head out girl, maybe give Dylan a call before bed."

Kate just shakes her head. "And you say Castle and I play games," She comments dryly. "We've got nothing on you."

"You've got two years on us," Lanie points out. "So what you gonna do?"

Kate hesitates at that, picking the glasses up and leaving them upside down in the kitchen sink, before making a split second decision. "Hang on while I grab my jacket and I'll head out with you." She disappears into the coat closet and it's muffled but Kate can still make out Lanie crowing in victory.

* * *

Castle glances away from the tv at the knock at the door, which he's only half-heartedly watching anyway. He hadn't even entertained the idea of writing and Alexis was on her way out when he arrived home, shouting something about an internship over her shoulder as they passed each other on the stairs. _It's going to be a long weekend_. The knock sounds again and it's only reluctantly that he gets up to answer it.

He pulls open the door, revealing Kate standing there, sheepishly leaning against the doorframe. "Hey," He says, more than a little surprised to see her standing there after the way they'd left things.

"Hi," She answers back awkwardly, playing with the cuff of the oversized navy NYPD sweatshirt she's wearing. "Are you busy?"

"Not at all," Castle reassures her, because she's looking like anywhere would be more comfortable than this right now.

"Can we talk?"

"I thought we agreed to take the weekend -" He stops speaking when she reaches up and presses a finger to his lips.

"I don't need a couple of days Castle," She says firmly, eyes never leaving his. He just stares back in confusion wondering what can possibly have changed between a few hours ago and now.

"What do you need, Kate?" He grips her forearms to prevent her from closing the gap between them before he's had a chance to read anything into the look on her face.

"You. I need you."

Her words seem to ignite something in him at the same time he sees her confidence falter. His arms thread around her waist, reeling her in and capturing her lips in a hard kiss."Then where do you think you're going?"

They need to talk about what this means for them but judging by the fire he can see flickering behind her eyes, talking isn't high on her agenda right now. He tears his mouth from hers, traversing the same line that his fingers have just taken along the curve of her jaw and alternating between kissing and nipping. She rewards him with an almost animalistic growl and he tenses at the sound. Determined to hear it again, he redoubles his efforts against her neck, and she tilts her head to one side granting him better access.

"We - we need to talk about this," Kate says again and he feels a surge of pride and satisfaction that she's finding it equally difficult to focus. Despite her words, she doesn't resist when his hands tug on the bottom of her sweatshirt and raise her arms to make the task easier.

"Later." It's pretty much incomprehensible, amidst his mouth now paying homage to her scar, after also peeling the white tank top away from her chest. Castle's hands span her waist, sliding down and settling on her denim-clad ass.

"Something tells me you didn't come over here just to talk." There's something distinctly cocky about the way he regards her now. His fingers close around something hard, and when he removes the hand he slid into her back pocket, he's clutching her police cuffs. "Is it safe to assume you're wanting to make good on your statement from earlier Detective?"

Kate opens her mouth to respond but instead her eyes close and a gasp escapes as Castle rolls his pelvis against her, going agonizingly slowly. "Well?"

"I guess that would be a fair assumption, Mr Castle." She concedes breathlessly, all tongue and teeth. She winks at him and he's already done for. The wicked combination of her bedroom voice and eyes leave Castle convinced of what he thought the first time he ever laid eyes on her.

Kate Beckett is going to be the death of him one of these days.

And judging by the way she's now wielding the pair of cuffs, today is looking like a pretty safe bet.


End file.
